Ducklings

I remember the ducklings, tiny balls of creamy cotton wool floating on the water. I felt so happy and carefree, seeing beauty in everything around me. The sun shining on my face, the brood of fluff balls and the conversation as we talked about our children's future, bringing Elayah to the hotel and getting all dolled up for her 16th, laughing as we imagined her joy at room service and the beauty of the ritzy hotel. It was all a facade, looking back it was those movie scenes where the parent takes their kid to the carnival, buys them every treat and goes on every ride only to leave them there at the grounds and to leave their life forever. A lonely child holding her half eaten fairy floss and the prize he won her at the games, calling Daddy, as people rush past with their own families. 

Do people think the last memory will be something to cherish... because months later when my daughter points out those small ducks, in the same pond, no longer fluffy, but she sees the beauty and you remember those moments, you remember those same ducklings, you remember the joy only this time it is contrasted with the emptiness, your heart breaks all over again and the tears sting. What lies, you feel stupid, all along he knew none of it was real, he knew in the weeks to come he would find another and continue to pretend and when it all came out he would leave, well I guess he was never really here was he.

Oh how time flies...

I couldn’t get the zip up of this high back dress today... so I cried -scrap that I bawled. Separation sucks and it has a nasty way of sneaking up on you over trivial things like zips that you can’t reach but you know what keeps coming back to me - it’s God, who is purely holy and righteous, loving and gracious and people reject Him. I have many faults, many shortcomings but you Lord - your perfect, you ways are right. People can lie and pretend to one another but to you God, you see the depths of our heart and you see through the lies. You know when someone says I love you with their lips but their heart is far from you. You sent your son, your only son to a people who were not your people and you called them your people. I don’t claim to fully know the heart of the father, truly, but I have this tiny window, not even that, tiny crack, of the suffering and heartache that you feel when your people forsake you and Lord it’s bringing me to my knees. Lord may you keep me faithful to you. May you teach me to love vulnerably still. May your grace daily have an effect on my life and may my devotion to you not grow cold, weary or faint - but rather may it grow...by your grace.

 

So I must truly have a pregnant brain for some reason this blog was totally forgotten, wiped from my memory maybe the days of doing nothing and writing about it have gone. Oh and all that planning for the wedding I blabed out, well came in handy we were happily married: 28th June 2008.


Well sorry bloggers I forgot, thank you that there was no hate mail, which probably suggests little readers...? Meh... (haven't said that since Grade 8)

So trackers, my life as we know it. I have an ever increasing waist line, I'm pregnant. Mind you with all the morning sickness, I'm loosing more weight than any gain.

Up-to-date Wedding

Hey Bloggers,

How are we this fine afternoon.

I would just like to say I am hanging out for summer. I just applied some fake tan to get me there closer and its got me thinking of dozing in the sun, the cool freshly washed sheets, the fresh white on tanned skin and bleached hair!!! Oh got to love it.

I got my tiara today...
It is gorgeous looks a little diff to the photo but its more gold. Anyway I am happy getting things bit by bit. We have organised the venue for ceremony and reception and catering. Also a photographer and I have purchased my dress!!!

It is gorgeous I wont post it until after the wedding in case I get a peaker. ;) So yes now we are looking into bridesmaid dresses then we can have an idea on florists with all the colours in hand.

Anyway I have girls discipleship tonight.

Over and Out!

Mia Rose, Heartburn.

So another thing - ugh i have heartburn - no that wasn't it but...

I love this song, she plays it so differently to the original which is why i like it so much and the guitar.

Apologies quality is tre' bad. Her other stuff is recorded well just nothing as good as this.

Now am a Fiance

Bloggers today... rephrase... Saturday was a memorable day.

I am engaged!!!
I know amazing, exciting, fantastic, beautiful haha.

It was very romantic. Basically the whole day was a surprise celebration for my birthday, so there were three locations.

Location 1: The city, well we got a chocolate croissant for my breakfast, he had already eaten so we went halves. Then from the city we visited the Louvre Ancient Egypt Exhibition in the Gallery which wasn't as exciting but still really interesting. Then around for a bit of window shopping I didn't see anything I really liked.

Location 2: Kings Park, we bought lunch from Red Rooster - I know how romantic! Haha it was what we felt like? Then ate it at kings park on the grass. We walked around.

Oh btw it was a beautiful sunny day and all of which was a blessing and just perfect because its been stormy all week and was scheduled for rain Saturday so huh! God is amazing!

Continued... Yes so walked around in the quiet talking and laughing. And so Jordan then said we needed to go we're running behind on schedule I was like? Do we have to be there a certain time or? And he was like they can wait? So the plot thickens and he stumped me from there.

Location 3: Applecross Boardwalk, it was mid afternoon slight sunset perfect weather and he illegally parked so I didn't have to walk as far and we sat down on the bench overlooking the ocean and just talking about how it was the place where we went for a romantic walk when we first started going out etc etc Then he took my hand and kissed it and said Hunny? I was like What's going on, he looked checked if coast was clear but as he did i looked so I missed him initially going on bended knee. He said Hunny again and i turned and was like ahhhh! then he pulled out a ring and said will you marry me. I cried and he laughed. We hugged and kissed then I said yes and that was that..

this is my ring and wedding band:

"Back to it she says."

Okay get this...

I drink tea to survive studious hours on the computer doing assignments, whether tea has more caffeine who knows I don't really get into that argument. But I prefer tea for many reasons, when drinking coffee or hot chocolate both have creamy warm textures which make me sleepy unlike the more watered down tea texture. I love the taste of tea. But the reason I use it for assistance in sleep deprivation is tea makes you pee. Yes, please do excuse my bluntness but its true and needing to pee every 15 minutes will keep you up more than any exhausted caffeine fix.

To the point.

So here I am doing my assignment, with my tea at my side, and I knocked it over and of all places I could spill tea onto my laptop it landed in the little grates of the side, you know straight to the motherboard chip. I hear crackling, my speakers go and after 5 minutes of mute a blue screen pops up saying hardware malfunction see supplier. I was like oh my gosh not to mention was doing a very surprisingly good assignment. So I turned it off and back on again and all is well mind you I am not yet brave enough to turn on my speakers or help myself to another tea.

Gosh! Thankfully Microsoft creates backups and recovers documents unlike the old days when you would panic after loosing something for good. Mind you back then it was year 6 then and nothing of importance - a self focused diary entry that was lost never to be recovered which was probably for the best and saved embarrassment and pity for further years to come looking back on it and thinking, could I ever be so conceited and stupid? Not innocence but naivety I say.

Anyway I think under all this stress my creative juices are being produced this assignment is both gay and irrelevant to drama teaching yet I am doing well. Shall post it later for some more academic readings on my blog. Back to it she says.

Over and out...

Here we are again...

Okay so I lied...

Thats right bloggers.

Well in actual fact I didnt lie, my soul ambition was to stay awake and I failed so here I am yet again cramming another large assignment with a yet another sleep deprived state of mind. Yet bid me consideration here as it is a mere 3:40pm not am but pm. So i do deserve some appreciation as it is still light and I am just beginning now not to mention I had technical difficulties and two episodes of Dawson's Creek to catch up on. Mind you here I am again on blogger - which is prooving as procrastinatory as myspace, which I deleted in my final year of exams.

Lets hope my blog doesn't lie in the same fate,
bloggers - over and out.

I bid you Good morn...

Storm's theory of avoiding sleep depravation -

When one wakes from a short sleep, from the night before either having a big night out or stressfully studying the night before. No one in their right minds can enjoy the feeling of having to get out of that warm, silky, comfortable bed. In all honesty it's like you got ripped off and need another 10 hours sleep to make up for it. So friends tonight, well this morning as I am half way through an assignment and have much more to go, using up much more of my precious sleep time. I am not ready to face that feeling in the morning, the morning after sleep, that morning feeling I have had all this week with 3 hours sleep and an early morning of work or more uni. Therefore today I will not go to sleep at all - thats right thats how truly exhausted I am that even sleep will make me more exhausted... and it is so logical I am impressed yet shocked at my own position. So until the early morn light I await and continue my day.

Over and Out...

I will be ineffective for the next two days so dont expect a post of any sort unless its a huge winge about a disturbation of my sleeping plans.

53 minutes until tomorrow...

And I need I say bloggers - before Harry Potter there was Joey Potter but I have little time to explore that issue alltogether actucally I have no time to explore anything, even my next assignment which is due tomorrow. And it being 53 minutes away from the approaching tomorrow I should start the gay thing...

over and out